Friday was the day that I have looked forward to for almost 15 months.
3/20/15 was the finish line. It was the day when my body would be put back together, and as a sort of "F U Cancer", the chemo port would be ripped from the spot on my chest were it had lodged itself for more than a year.
While it may seem strange, surgery on Friday also put my mind back together. For several months, I have lived with constant reminders of what I have just endured. It's hard to feel whole and at peace when your body screams at least 10 times a day that things just aren't normal, and not being able to breath without feeling like I've had a boa constrictor around my rib cage has been seriously challenging. In my mind, I did not feel like all of this would be over with until the port and the expanders were gone. And I needed to feel like this was over with, trust me when I say that I was more than ready.
So, yes, I was definitely looking forward to surgery on Friday. While previous surgeries have made me nervous and anxious, I slept like a baby Thursday night. I filled out a gazillion pieces of paper with a steady hand, and signed my name 210 times like I was buying a new car, and not about to undergo 3 hours of surgery. I was totally fine laying in the hospital bed getting prepped for surgery, until they blew a vein and had to go looking for another one, and then I nearly crushed my husbands hand. Why does that have to hurt so stinking bad? And true to every other part of this year long battle, when the anesthesiologist asked if I had any questions, I responded with a funny question that had nothing at all to do with my anesthesia. He couldn't help but smile, and I couldn't help but respond, "You asked if I had any questions. That was a question."
This was the day that I had looked forward to, and not just for the obvious reasons.
My mind, body and soul have been through hell for the last 15 months. I'm not complaining, because the most obvious gift of all is that unlike so many others that have traveled the same rocky road, I am alive, and my body is cancer free. I've been given a second chance at changing the world in my own way and making an impact. I've been given a chance to enjoy life, and all of the blessings that are around me; and I don't take these things lightly. I can honestly say that even though I've been poisoned, ripped apart and radiated over the last 15 months, I've never been happier- which we can file under the "F U cancer" column as well. Removing my expanders, and yanking that port were huge steps away from all that I've endured in the last 15 months.
This has not been an easy journey, and being at the finish line is incredibly sweet. I have given a lot of thought to what to do with this blog. I need to run as fast as I can in a different direction, I need to take a different path than the one that I've taken over the last year. But, I have decided that I'm still going to blog, and I'm still going to keep hanging with my Inner Superwoman. I think that she's capable of helping me do other things- not just beating cancer. Frankly, I think she'll enjoy this journey with me even more. So, I do intend to keep blogging!
Glancing back over this entire blog post, I realize that I'm not mentioning how I'm doing 3 days after surgery, which I guess is probably pretty important information. So here is the "How I'm Doing" update...
What I was not expecting was to feel immediate relief. I knew the second that I woke up that those expanders were gone. And I also knew the port was gone- but for different reasons. The spot that they pulled my port from hurts worse than anything else that they did to me and probably will for several days. I'm sore- but nothing like I was expecting to feel. After taking 2 pain pills through the night on Friday night and early Saturday morning, my husband looked at me and told Lucy and Duke not to disturb "mama" she's watching pink elephants. After that comment, I thought it wise to ditch the hydrocodon and am doing very well with just Tylenol (with the added bonus of not seeing pink elephants!).
