Honestly, I already knew even before the mammogram- I had cancer. The fact that I left the gynecologists office with a referral to a breast surgeon in my hand didn't do anything to weaken my theory. I had read enough online and done enough research I knew. I knew that I hadn't felt good in months. I just knew. My husband insisted it was a cyst when he just about forced me to call and schedule an appointment. He even told me that they would drain it the day I went to see my gynecologist. I'm here to tell you, it didn't go down that way.
The mammogram was followed that same day by an ultrasound. I strained my neck something fierce trying to get a glimpse of my breasts on the screen. I kept asking the technician questions- questions she refused to answer. Turned out I didn't need to do that. There was a radiologist waiting to see me post ultrasound goop. And there it was- the iceberg. My butt hadn't even hit the chair when a women who was young enough to still have teenage acne just spit it right out. "This is definitely cancer." I was shocked, stunned, speechless even. I just looked at her. I still to this day have no idea what came after those 4 words, but she did continue to talk. May I also say that her delivery of the worst news I've ever gotten sucked! (And only backed up my theory that she was still old enough to have pimples.)
I would have had the surgeon on the phone that same day, but it was 5:00 when I left there, and frankly, between hearing the C word for the first time in conjunction with my body and the throbbing in my butt from it crashing to the chair, I really couldn't focus. My first order of business the next morning (Friday) was calling the surgeons office. They didn't have my films yet, so I had to wait for a call-back. It didn't take long, I was told that I the surgeon was squeezing me in on Monday afternoon.... "Oh no!- the iceberg is getting closer!"
I was not brave enough to walk into a surgeons office by myself, but thankfully, I do have a very good friend who was brave enough to accompany me. I was not happy to hear that my lump was going to require a biopsy, which had to be scheduled for another day- and because of the holiday, I was going to have to be left wondering about my lump. The surgeon positively refused to commit to anything until she had done the biopsy. Having a biopsy terrified me, I hate needles, with a passion and usually pass out when needles enter my body. (Just another reason that there was no possible way that I could be a cancer patient!)
... To be continued.
I often thought that breast cancer was something that happened to someone else. After 13 yrs as I survivor I realize I am the lucky one. I am grateful that I had good doctors, caring nurses and supportive friends.
ReplyDeleteHang on to that hope!