You're Never Fully Dressed Without A Smile....

Today was  PET Scan Friday. (My 1st PET Scan since completing 6 rounds of chemo.)

Yesterday, was Echo Cardiogram Thursday.

I  always make a point of reporting with a smile, and have always done my to make the best out of  pretty much everything my team of highly talented (and have I mentioned, FEMALE) physicians has decided to do to me!  The past 2 days have been no different.  Most of the medical professionals that I come across can tell some pretty horrible stories about difficult, ornery, and just plain rude patients.  I don't want to be one of those people- I like being a "club" member, but I don't want to be a part of that club.

The technologist that performed my echo yesterday said that she will always remember me because even the 1st time she met me, as I faced a 9CM tumor and chemotherapy, I was smiling.   She told me that she has been rooting for me, and was very anxious to see how things were going for me.  When I shared my news, she did a little woo-hoo and a very cute little dance (If that is not a ringing endorsement for smiling and being nice to people, I don't know what is!). I am of the opinion that if my health care providers are going to remember me, I want it to be because I was sweet, smiling and determined to kick cancer's ass- not because I have a horrible attitude and can't be grateful for anything.  After all, these people are contributing to my care, which is in turn saving my life, and heck, the more I get to know them, the more I genuinely like em!

I shared the waiting room with several people today as I waited to be injected with the "Incredible Hulk" dye.  One of them really made an impression and it was not a good one.  I'm not sure why she was there, I have no idea what was wrong with her, what I do know is, I wanted to smack the bad attitude right out of her. The rudeness started in the lobby.  Apparently, the amount of time that she was being required to wait, just wasn't acceptable, and she made sure that everyone in the waiting room knew that she was unhappy. (Well, hells bells- everyone here is waiting... what do you think you are?  The Queen of Orlando?) In the 15 minutes that I was unlucky enough to be in the room with her, I heard complaints about everything imaginable.  The room was too cold, there weren't enough chairs, the chairs were uncomfortable, the wait was too long... and on and on she went.  I couldn't wait to get away from her, and neither could her boyfriend who yanked her out of the room and told her in a very loud voice (why didn't they just stay in the room if he was going to scream?  Everyone in the room would have joined in a standing ovation) that he was sick of her bad attitude.  As I walked from the room for my PET scan, I couldn't help but toss her a huge, toothy smile, I fought back the intense desire to tell her to have a blessed day.  I heard her grunt and let out a huge sigh.  She probably wanted to choke me, but I just couldn't help it.  I really feel bad for the radiologist that was going to have to deal with her.

I have no idea what the results of this scan will be.  I do know that they have to be better than what they were in January, and I pray that they are clear, but either way, I know that I have made progress.  I'm not anxious over the reading of this scan.  I just have a feeling... and the last time I had a feeling, I was right.  This is gonna be a good one.

I am in a completely different state of mind today than what I was back in January,  as I sit here attempting to rid myself of my water retaining ankles and legs and the exhaustion that is being brought on by carrying around all of this water. (I swear I'm retaining so much water that I could fill a small hot tub should someone decide to tip me over and pour me out!  I feel like a little tea pot... )  I am sure that my chemo worked, I'm no longer frightened by the prospect of starting chemo, and I'm starting down the road to recovery from the chemo.  Mentally, I am in a very good place, I feel positive, I feel strong, and I feel like I've really got this.  I'm focused and I'm determined with little distraction.

The wait for that 1st PET to come back was terrible.  Once you've been told you have cancer, it's very easy for your mind to wander all over the map and get a little carried away, and you will inadvertently find yourself speculating on where else in your body the cancer might have gone.  Every little twitch, every little ache.  Oh my gosh, it's in my bones.  Oh shit,  it's in my ovaries.  Holy Fuck, with this headache, I'm sure it's in my brain!   So, as you can imagine, I was relieved to get the results back and find out that it was only where I had originally thought it was.  I know that I will have many more PET scans, and I know that every time I go for a PET Scan I will be anxious as I wait for the results to come back.  I'm nothing if not a realist, and I know that there is a chance that once of these days, I won't have a clear PET.  But, I refuse to be defined by this possibility, instead I will carry on with my life making sure that if that day does present itself, that I have no regrets about the way that I lived during my cancer remission.

Today, I have no expectations other than a clear report- while my brain is a little wonky, I don't think it's because cancer has invaded it.  And just because my bones are a little achy does not mean that cancer has made a home there...  I am completely devoid of horrible thoughts (other than the ones that I'm having about the water retention... have I mentioned that I'm retaining water and it's driving me bonkers?).  All I can think is, the chemo & I  kicked my cancer's ass.... Now I just have to wait and see how much ass it kicked!