Cancer You've Made Me Cry, Again!


I'm not really sure what it is, or why it is, but since treatment, I don't cry very easily.  But, yesterday, the tears just wouldn't stop. In some ways, cancer has toughened me up a bit.   However, there are certain things that really get to me.

A few weeks back, I was contacted by a dear friend of mine from high school.  While we haven't really kept up with each other over the last 20 years, (yes, it's been that many) my heart really went  out to her when she messaged me several weeks back and told me that her sister had just been diagnosed with breast cancer.  I get a lot of these kinds of messages.  And it never gets any easier.  Every time I hear it, I feel like I'm being punched in the chest, and all of the memories of being diagnosed flood my brain- every single time I hear of a breast cancer diagnosis, I am flooded with these feelings.  I know what it's like.  I understand it.  I get it!  Fear.  Sadness.  Raw emotion.

This message was no different-except for the fact that there was definitely a close connection to this cancer diagnosis.  This was someone that I knew personally.  I feel so strongly that I was spared because God has bigger plans for me.  I don't know what they all are, but I am very strongly compelled to reach out and support other women who have just been diagnosed.  I feel as if my journey was meant to inspire others, and while it's hard for me, and it breaks my heart into tiny little pieces, when people reach out to me, I do my very best to give encouragement and guidance.  Somehow, I just do it, even on days when I think "I just can't!".

I've thought of this woman multiple times a day for the last several weeks.  My prayers have flown for both her and her family.  Cancer is never easy to deal with, and sometimes I think it's actually harder on the family than the patient themselves. But, I could tell she was having a rough time.  For the last couple of days, I haven't been able to get her off mind, and extra prayers flew.  I knew that she was in the hospital, and that there were complications.

Then yesterday, rather late in the day, I see a post that she had passed away yesterday morning.  Nothing could have prepared me for this news.  I couldn't even speak enough to tell my startled husband what was going on.  I had to say it 10 times before he understood what I was saying.  I am heartbroken.

Cancer the sneaky S.O.B. that it is, had snuck into her lungs.

Today, my thoughts and prayers are with her family and all of those people who loved her so much.  She was too young.  Cancer moved too fast.

Now, I am mad at cancer.








2 comments

  1. We're all mad at cancer. And until the "right" people get mad at cancer and provide the necessary research funding, we should stay mad.

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    1. I can honestly say, that I believe that research, especially for breast cancer has come a long way. 10 years ago, my HER 2+ would have been a death sentence, but thanks to drugs like Perjeta and Herceptin, it wasn't. But we've still got a ways to go. People are still dying and people are still being diagnosed in late stages, and I blame this on a serious lack of education which definitely needs to be improved.

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