"CAN'T" is really "WON'T"

I haven't blogged in forever. Mainly because I've been busy.
Busy overcoming the mess left by cancer.
Busy rebuilding my life.
Busy moving on.
I'm only busy because I haven't allowed "can't" to be a part of my vocabulary. But, I'm not going to lie to you, it took some work and a little bit of soul searching. I've had to smack myself around a bit to get here!

There are so many times that my response could have been, "I can't." For example, last year at about this time, I decided that I wanted to fulfill a lifelong dream and buy a fixer. Many of you know exactly how this turned out. I did it. If I had wanted to, I definitely could have told myself "I can't" for a multitude of reasons. Gutting this house was an extremely physical undertaking, and I won't lie, it hurt me, it was hard. It was challenging. There were nights I cried myself to sleep. Physically, it took a lot out of me. Was it worth it? Hell yea!! Am I glad that I didn't say "I can't!"? Hell yea!!

Specifically, the last year of my life has been one of learning (as if the 2 preceding weren't? Right? Honestly, I should have an honorary PHD). I made huge changes in my life. Looking back at all of the fears I had about making those changes, I almost said "I can't do this." Well why the hell not? It wasn't that I COULDN'T do it, it was that I just wasn't sure I wanted to do it. I almost told myself, "I won't do this! I won't start over. I won't rebuild. I won't reinvent myself." Wow!! What a colossal mistake that would have been.

I know what you're thinking. Is "can't" really all that different from "won't"? Can't is pretty much that you are unable to do something and no force, no matter how extreme is going to change that. For example: I can't lift my car over my head or I can't say that I have never been through cancer. Won't is a little different. Won't has everything to do with your own willpower and can be positive or negative. In this instance, we are talking about the negative "won't". I won't get up off the couch and go for a run. I won't eat the broccoli instead of the French fries.

Part of my "reinvention" phase (that I like to think of kinda like a snake shedding a skin no matter how much that grosses me out and makes me wrinkle my nose) was starting a new business. It would have been so much easier for me to say " I can't" and come up with a whole list of excuses including (but not limited to) my brain can't handle it, I don't have enough energy, I don't know enough, I don't know what to do.

At some point I had to smack myself around a few times and really take a look at my hesitations and my excuses. I had to break free of everything that was holding me back, and realize:

"IT'S NOT THAT YOU CAN'T.... IT'S THAT YOU WON'T"

There are people all over the world that accomplish greater things than I'll ever undertake with more extreme limitations than what I'll ever experience. (Of course, they are my heroes and my inspiration!) I am learning to remind myself that I am my own worst critic and I am harder on myself than anyone else could possibly be. Furthermore, I have earned the right, and I have fought like hell for the opportunity to be and do whatever makes me happy! I have no intention of letting "can't" get in my way and intend for "won't" to only be a part of my life in a positive way (I won't eat that whole pint of So Delicious in one night....)