It's All About the H2O: Let's Spice It Up

Imagine this:  One of the cheapest things on the planet can increase your energy levels, make it easier to concentrate, and make your body feel a heck of a lot better.

I drink water all day long, there's always a water bottle just waiting for me to drink it right beside me.  Even if you don't drink water all day long (have you not been listening), there are 5 times a day when drinking water can increase the effectiveness of the human body.  Remember, improvement is all about small, consistent habits.  You just never know where it could lead.

Okay, so by now, hopefully you're saying to yourself, "I'm going to do this!  I am going to drink more water!".  But, how much water should you be drinking?   It's seriously based on your body weight.  But you really should add another 8 oz. of water to your day for every 30 minutes of exercise.  (You are getting at least 30 minutes of exercise every day, right?)

I know what you're thinking.  Water is boring.  I hear ya.  I've never been a big fan of plain old water.  But, we need it, right?  What's a girl to do?  Spice it up of course.  Here are a few  ideas for you:

My favorite: 1 gallon water, 1 cucumber, sliced, 2 lemons sliced, and mint leaves.  

Toss it all in a pitcher, and let it infuse over night.  

1 Gallon of water Mixed with any of the following:

2 Limes, quartered, 2 cups raspberries

1 cup strawberries, 1 cup blueberries, 2 kiwi fruits, diced

2 sliced lemons, 2 sliced limes

1/2 cup blueberries, 1/2 cup raspberries, 1/2 cup blackberries

Let sit for at least an hour, but overnight is better.

How many ounces of water are you going to drink today?  Go ahead, impress me!

Clean Eating Recipe: Leek & Lemon Linguine

I don't know about you, but in the hot summer months, my appetite seems to disappear.  There's nothing better than a light, refreshing pasta.  This one is a winner with whole wheat linguine, lemons and my favorite, Parmesan cheese.

Happy dining, healthy eating friends.

I GOT MY MOJO BACK!

WORKOUTS HERE I COME..... AGAIN!

Well, I did it.  The day that I have been waiting for the last 6 weeks finally arrived.  Okay, I cheated, but only by 2 days.  Does that really count in the grand scheme of things?  I couldn't wait another darn second.  Every muscle in my body was screaming "WORK ME OUT!".  I couldn't ignore the needs of my muscles right?   For the last 4 days, every single time I would start to do something else, my mind would wander off into workout land.  We have to listen to our bodies, and apparently our minds!

So, last night I suited up.  The anticipation was great.  I had a lot of qualms about working out with tissue expanders, and these two miniature, hard as rock cantaloupes that are attached to my chest... but I trudged forward anyway!  The tissue expanders move, and it just feels funky when they get it in their damn minds to re-situate themselves- no fears, I can nudge em' right back!  (Take that!)  I just knew that I was going to feel so much better after a good, hard workout!  I cannot tell you how I crave normalcy!  I just want to feel normal, look normal, be normal!  (Patience my dear, patience!)  Working out is the only thing that I really have control over- I can't make my hair grow any faster.  I can't make all the goofy, funky feelings in my upper body go away... but I can return most of my body to a normal, strong state.  If this makes me a control freak, than so be it!

It has been my plan all along to return to working out by completing another 21 Day Fix, with a few challengers in tow, just for moral support!  I am actually just 5 pounds away from my pre-chemo weight (heck, that could be the twins adding that 5 pounds!) so I don't have that much more to loose.  Once I'm done with this challenge, I'm on to Piyo for strength and flexibility, but I thought it would be like a little post-mastectomy party to do the 21 Day Fix again!  I have maintained the eating and Shakeology part for the last 6 weeks- but the workouts were restricted.

So, how did it go?  I finished it!  I made it the whole way through. I was tired, sweaty, and extremely weepy by the time I finished.  (Can't really explain the weepy part!) Granted, there were some modifications.  My left side (aka the cancer side) is weaker than my right side- but I'm a right handed girl, so my right side has definitely gotten more use over the last several weeks.  All of the stretching that I have been doing has really paid off.  I have full range of motion on my right side, and am at about 95% on the left.  I was able to do most all of the exercises with weights, although there were a few that just didn't feel quite right after a few tries, so I dropped the weights and finished the set without them.  Don't wanna be injured my 1st day back in the saddle!

Today, I feel great!  I can definitely tell that I worked out yesterday! (Love, love, love that feeling!)  My legs are pretty sore, but the twins seem to be okay!  According to plan, I am supposed to do an upper body workout today, but I think I'm going to do lower body today, and upper tomorrow to give my upper body a rest.  I know that my lower body can take it, but I don't want to over do it on my chest... give the girls a break!  They've been through hell, right?

I have been pretty un-emotional throughout this whole cancer business.  But, that's typical for my personality type.  I'm more likely to push my way through something, and reflect back and be all melancholy about it afterwards than I am to be an emotional train wreck while dealing with it.  I am getting to that point now.  I'm looking back and saying "Holy hell!  What the heck have I just been through?".  Last night, being able to workout again, after recuperating for 6 weeks, I think that's why I got all weepy.  It just hit me what I had been through!  Between that an the adrenaline, it took me a few minutes to compose myself!  And, at least 15 times in the last 24 hours, I've thought to myself, "I am so blessed to be here!".  It's true, I am lucky to be alive!

Spotlight on: Hypothyroidism

As I get ready to begin radiation treatment in August, I am focusing on being proactive about the side effects that could enter into the picture in the years following treatment.  Because of the areas being radiated, thyroid conditions are a good possibility and are something that will be closely monitored, probably for the rest of my life.  

I was happy to find out that something I've been doing for the last several months could actually ward off thyroid conditions later.  Check out this article about the health benefits of using ShakeOlogy with a thyroid condition.

*This article is courtesy of suziebiddle.com

*Hypothyroidism & Shakeology

I get asked a lot if Shakeology is okay for someone who has a thyroid disease or how it has benefited me. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism almost 15 years ago and here is what I have learned along the way. Your thyroid plays a part in almost every other system in your body. It is often called the master gland. T3 & T4 are hormones that play a big factor toward your weight. All other bodily systems also affect your thyroid. So, your thyroid can become imbalanced when you are either not producing enough hormone or one of your other body processes has become imbalanced. A really big factor for my thyroid to become swollen and stop working properly i s STRESS.

If you are currently taking prescription medications for hypothyroidism as I am, getting ADDITIONAL support through plants and minerals all found in Shakeology can be an EXCELLENT addition to support your thyroid & body! It could even lead to a decrease in medication. I treated my thyroid with natural supplements for 10 years! However, the stress of my divorce really did it in for my thyroid. My T3 & T4 #’s were off the chart and I got on Synthroid for the first time! I felt good about it, I felt much better but every so often I kept needing to increase my dose. THEN I found Shakeology. I since have not had to increase my dose.

When I started drinking Shakeology I noticed right away an increase in ENERGY and a few months later I noticed my HAIR was healthier and so did my hair dresser! My skin and nails were healthier and stronger. Those are all things we try SO hard to have with hypothyroidism!!! Right? Let’s just say the boost in energy (the healthy way) was the biggest pay off for me and of course my 10 lbs weight loss!

The thyroid gland relies on Iodine and Selenium. 52 mcg of Iodine (as kelp) is found in Shakeology. Shakeology has over 70 of natures ingredients. My younger cousin stopped his thyroid meds all together after drinking Shakeology and exercising!

IS SHAKEOLOGY OK for someone who has a thyroid disease? Asking that question is like asking if eating healthy food is good for your thyroid. YES. You can check out the ingredient label found on my site. To keep a healthy functioning thyroid for me would be to exercise, eat healthy, drink Shakeology every day, do yoga or palates and get a good nights sleep to help reduce stress on my thyroid. If you feel you need to cry LET IT OUT because holding it in causes your thyroid to swell. I tell my husband “I’m being nice to my thyroid” when ever I cry. :)

My 10 year old son was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes almost 3 years ago and was recently diagnosed with Hypothyroidism. We manage it together now. It’s a bittersweet thing. He also drinks Shakeology with me.

If you are thinking of getting Shakeology I would say go now and try it! You have nothing to lose, only to gain! See for yourself if it benefits you and your thyroid. You can get a full refund after 30 days if you’re not satisfied.

To learn more, or try Shakeology for yourself, go to http://www.shakeology.com

It's Just 21 Days...

Do you have any idea what you can accomplish in 21 Days?  I have found myself to be far more effective at my goals if I plan in short bursts, and 21 Days is perfect. I planned and committed to 5 habits, for 21 days.  

I guess you're probably wondering how much of a difference just 21 days of  5 habits can make?  Well, I was surprised by the difference in my body, my mind and my overall spirit in just 21 Days.  But, let me also tell you, that once you've done these things for 21 days, it's very easy to do it for another 21, and another 21.... you get the idea.

Here are my 5 changes:

1.  I committed to eating clean.  The first thing that you absolutely must do is rid your pantry, refrigerator and freezer of "unhealthy", "processed" or "high fat" foods.  I filled up an entire trash can the first time I did this- I had a lot of chemo craving junk food in my pantry.  It actually felt good to toss all of the crap...  But I was seriously amazed by the amount of junk I had in there.  And when I actually looked at the labels on some of that stuff, I was shocked that I had actually purchased those items with the intention of putting them into my body.

The second thing you absolutely must do is fill your pantry, refrigerator, and freezer with "clean" food.  My freezer was filled with about 60% meat, 20% bread, 10% ice cream, and 10% pre-packaged, high sodium junk.  Now it's about 20% lean meat, and 80% frozen fruits and vegetables.

If you only have healthy food around you, you'll be a lot more successful at eating clean.  Plan ahead, stock your kitchen with healthy, clean foods that you love to eat!

2. I committed to drinking water, and I mean a ton of water.  The more water you can drink in a day the better you're going to feel.   

Drinking water increases energy and relieves fatigue, promotes weight loss, flushes toxins,  improves the complexion, maintains regularity, boosts the immune system, prevents cramps and sprains, puts you in a good mood... and wait for it... saves you money.  (Water is a lot cheaper than those sugary, calorie intense drinks that you're always grabbing.)

Some tips to help you be successful at drinking enough water:  have a water bottle that you love.  Keep it filled.  Find ways to challenge yourself, get a water drinking buddy, be accountable.  

If you're not overly fond of plain water, there are a lot of ways to spice it up!  I drank at least 5 gallons of water infused with cucumber, mint, and lemon, but you can add all kinds of fruits and herbs to water to make it not taste like water.  

3. I committed to working out every day.  Find an activity that will get your heart rate pumping for at least 30 minutes every day.  For the last month, I have been walking, at a pretty good clip while waiting to be released from surgical restrictions.  Prior to that, I was working out with the BeachBody 21 day fix.  I really loved that there was a different workout for each day of the week.  The workouts were 30 minutes long, easy to follow, challenging, and a lot of fun.  I'm looking forward to starting Piyo in the next couple of days.

Think about the kinds of activities that you like to do when selecting your 30 minutes of exercise.  Don't set yourself up for failure.  If you're not really fond of running, don't commit to running 30 minutes a day.  Find your "fun" workout, if it's something that you really enjoy, it will be easier to stick to and you'll be more successful.  

I am a strong believer in the positive effects of strengthening your body.  When I took the challenge, I was thrilled with the results.  Not only did I loose 12 pounds (I have since lost another 10), but as my body strength increased, my moods just kept getting better and better.

4. I committed to drinking Shakeology every day.  I start every morning off with Shakeology and a combination of fruits and vegetables in a smoothie.

To be honest, prior to the end of May, I didn't know anything about Shakeology (or really Beachbody for that matter).  I had just finished 18 weeks of intense chemo therapy and I felt like I was 90 years old.  I had to do something, something had to change.  

I had exactly 2 weeks from the time I found out about Shakeology until I was scheduled for a double mastectomy. I was determined that I was going to feel like a human again by the time I went for surgery, and I did.  I am now a little over 2 1/2 months out of finishing my chemo therapy, and I can honestly say that I have more energy, and feel healthier than I did prior to being diagnosed with cancer.  My surgical team could not get over how quickly my body has healed not only from the surgery, but from the chemo.  I attribute my fantastic results not only to my clean eating habits, but Shakeology.

5.  I committed to 15 minutes a day of personal development, every day.  I read motivational or inspirational books.  I researched ways to keep myself healthy.  I talked to people who were encouraging and positive. But, I did something every day that gave me a feeling of empowerment. 

Find something that motivates or inspires you, and engage in it for at least 15 minutes a day.  There's no right or wrong answer to this part of the challenge.

My first 21 Day Challenge started as the Beachbody 21 Day Fix.  But, it transpired into so much more than that.  I stuck with the eating habits and plan long after the initial challenge was over, and obviously the other habits stuck with me as well. 

Beam Me Up Scotty!

So, yesterday was my first real venture into the world of radiation therapy.  I had no idea what was going to go on, or what they were going to do to me, but I reported as scheduled, because I'm a sucker.  I'm not sure if this should concern me or not, but I sat in a patient room for about an hour hearing whispers (No, I am not crazy!  No, I am not hearing voices!) from the halls, "Where is Mrs. Pysh's chart?"  I still don't know where it was hiding, but they obviously found it.  I had a crazy thought that it would be so nice if just like my lost chart, my need for radiation would also get lost.  No such luck.

Finally, the radiation oncologist joins me in the room and asks, "So, you're done with the fills?".   He's a very laid back kind of guy who looks more like he should be climbing the side of a mountain than radiating cancer patients, but this does not impact my faith in him as a doctor.  I can't help but chuckle as I explain to him that if they fill me any more, I'm going to explode.  And on the off chance that I don't explode, I'm not going to be a very functional human being, I've already got serious challenges. I try to explain that me and the twins are going through some "growing pains".   He laughs at me and says, "So, you're happy with them?"  I can tell by the smile on his face that he's joking with me.  What else can we do at this point?  I would laugh about it, but I can't, it just doesn't feel right, so I will joke about it and take my chances that I don't feel the need to laugh really hard about my predicament, all the while praying that I don't sneeze.

I can honestly say that I have been impressed by the quality of my interactions with almost every person that has participated in my care at Florida Hospital. (With the exception of the bubble gum chewing bimbo that gave me chemo education- and she was just wrong on so many levels!)  I have never felt like a number, and I always feel like they give me their full and undivided attention- there's no rush to move on to the next patient.  Of course, I would like to think it's just because I'm special...  My radiation oncologist has done a fantastic job of settling my fears and concerns (and there were a lot of them... I had managed to come up with about 243 reasons why radiation therapy should not be in my future, or anyone elses for that matter.  Some of which I'm sure were new to him!) about radiation therapy, and I can honestly say that I am at peace with this treatment (This might be a good time to mention that my original radiation oncologist got all teared up and actually cried when I told her that I didn't think I could go through with radiation therapy!).  But, here I am, I am ready to go. Well almost.  There's some nasty business about some tattoos, and a pre-approval from my insurance company and of course the fact that I'm not cleared until August 1 to "GO!".

After I finished with the oncologist, I met my radiation team.  There are 3 gals that will be taking care of every aspect of my 33 (yes, that's how many times they're gonna hit me!) radiation treatments.  I have to say that while I was a somewhat modest person when this breast cancer business began, it no longer phases me.  I've stripped out of my clothes and put on a hospital gown that opens to the front so many times that I've lost count.  I've said it before, I'll say it again, if you wanna get flashed, you've got a pretty good chance with a breast cancer survivor- we just don't care.   I report to the radiation room sporting a beautiful blue (I chose it over the white, it looks better with my eyes and my complexion) hospital robe, open to the front.  Wouldn't you know, they don't want it open to the front, and the tech offers to step out of the room while I change it.  Ugh, just stay put.  Three people had already checked out the twins by that point yesterday anyway!

When they start marking me, it hits me just how much radiation I'm going to be getting.  I'm pretty sure it's enough to level an elephant or at least Stage IIIC breast cancer with lymph node involvement- left breast, right breast, left armpit, right armpit, and my chest bone: 20 minutes a day plus all of the prep and stripping that goes along with it.  (I am holding out hope that the radiation will cause permanent hair loss underneath both of my armpits- it seems like the least that I could ask for at this point.)  The whole process reminds me a little bit of my pet scans: a table that's as hard as a rock, and very weird noises.  The only difference at this point, my arms are propped above my head in a very awkward position, and my oddly displaced clavicle is digging into the board.  It is going to take serious concentration for me to hold still for 20 minutes a day in this position, and I've already decided that I'm going to practice for the next 2 weeks.

Believe it or not- I had a seriously good time with the radiologist!  She was a lot of fun, and we talked about 3000 different things as she worked to get done everything she needed to.  She's good at what she does because she managed to make me comfortable and forget that the reason that I am lying on this uncomfortable table is because I'm about to get radiated.  This is good, because when it gets frustrating to drag my ass over there every day for 6 1/2 weeks, I will be looking forward to seeing her and talking to her.

After 3 hours, I leave there with purple crosses all over my chest, my chest bone, and my torso.  I'm told not to scrub them off over the course of the next week. There are clear band-aids over top of them to prevent this from happening.   I will go back next week for my permanent freckles.  I didn't bother to ask how those permanent freckles are going to get on my body- it doesn't occur to me until this morning that there are probably going to be needles involved.  I think I'm over it.

Cancer Should Piss Me Off...

So, why hasn't it?  Why have I yet to get angry?  I've been poked, prodded, I've had poison pumped through my entire body, I've had my boobs cut off (and replaced with hard, evil, painful bumps), and I'm about to be radiated.  I've had more blood drawn from my veins in the last 7 months than most people have in their entire life, and spent countless hours sitting in waiting rooms waiting for invasive tests.  I've lost the hair on my head, my eyebrows, my eyelashes, and everywhere else you can imagine (but not having to shave my legs for the last 7 months hasn't been so bad.).  I blew up like a balloon (thank God that's over with!), and had horrific neuropathy in my fingers and toes... and don't even get me started on my finger and toe nails.   My brain was so twisted around for months that I should not have been allowed to attempt even the smallest of tasks, and I definitely should not have been allowed to speak about anything of significance.    The smell and taste of coffee sickened me for 6 straight months... I mean seriously (That alone is enough to make me angry!).  I should be stark raving mad.  I should be ready to kill.  But, it's just not there.  I can't be angry.  What's the matter with me?  Maybe when I'm done with all of this cancer business, I should have my head examined!

Would being pissed off at my circumstances change them?  Nope.  Would it even be productive?  I kind of doubt that it would helpful at all, so maybe I shouldn't even worry about why I'm not angry.  Maybe God feels that I have enough emotions to deal with, without being angry, too!   Since the start of all of this, I've believed that this wasn't about cancer- it was about something else entirely.  

As I sat on the patio this morning (in my wonderful new rocking chair), drinking my coffee,  watching my boxers sunbathe, I thought a lot about all of this.  This didn't just come out of the blue- I had a dream last night that I was seriously anger with cancer- and I do mean seriously.  I was like this big, giant, angry monster- it was scary! I was consumed, in my dream, by my anger at cancer. I didn't even recognize myself in this dream.  It really shook me. Why is it that I'm not angry?  What is wrong with me?

I don't know that any of the reasons that I came up with are anything that a professional would agree with, but here's what I came up with.  

1.  I'm not an angry person.  I never really have been.  Admittedly, I can get mad (I might even throw something- but don't panic- my aim- not that good!).  But, it's not something that I hold onto for long periods of time- heck, it's usually over before it started.  I've always been this way.  My anger blows over as quick as an afternoon humidity shower in Orlando.  When someone wrongs me, I'm more likely to be hurt than mad.  Am I hurt that cancer has touched my life?  Yeah, I guess I am.  Why did it have to pick me?  But looking back over the last 7 months, I have felt more hurt than anything else about this cancer business.  

2.  I really can look at the way cancer has touched my life and think of it as a blessing- it's not just something that I say to make everyone think that I'm okay. It's difficult to be angry about something when you're constantly seeing blessings coming from it.   Frankly, I'm sure that not even all of the blessings from cancer are clear to me yet.  I really have a strong belief that there will be many good things that will come from my struggles and my challenges.  I can honestly say that there have been so many positive things that have already touched my life that probably never would have happened had it not been for cancer.  

3.  While I was scared out of my mind, I really did believe that I was going to kick cancer's ass.  Once I heard that diagnosis, I did not doubt that I could do this.   It's kinda funny, but in the days of waiting for my results to come back from my biopsy, I thought about dying.  But, from the moment that I was told that I had cancer until now, I have not had one single thought about dying.  All of my focus has been aimed towards beating cancer and being healthy again.  There were times when defeatist thoughts would start to creep in- (mostly in the days immediately following chemo when I felt so horrible) but, I didn't want to think that way, I didn't want to be defeated, and I would do whatever I had to do to get those thoughts out of my head.  I discovered just how powerful the mind can be.  When you're so focused in on overcoming something- you can't be angry.   You don't have the time or the energy!

4. I found myself again.  How could I be angry at something that reminded me what's really important in life?  How can I be angry at something that gave me time for the things that I love- time to write, the ability to spend time with family and friends, and time to do the things that matter to me.  Cancer gave "me" back to me and it gave me time; both things that I was sorely missing.  

5.  It showed me just how strong I really am, and it taught me not to doubt myself.  I can't be angry at something that has re-ignited my drive and motivation and made me once again believe that I can do anything that I set my mind to doing.  

So, while admittedly this has not been pretty business, I just can't summon anger.  And I probably never will be able to.  I just need to let it go and stop beating myself up for not feeling an emotion that's negative anyway.  I'm giving myself permission not be angry!

Thanks, Doc... I think!

The last several weeks have been somewhat of a transformation process for me and the twins.  When I came out of my mastectomy, I was more flat chested than when I went in, but not completely flat.  They were kind enough to wheel me out of that OR with a parting gift, 150 cc's of saline.  I hadn't really given  much thought to it, so I was neither surprised nor disappointed.   I was so hell bent on getting that cancer out of my body, that everything else was just not that imortant.  I was having a mastectomy, I did not expect to wake up with boobs.  I was prepared.   Frankly, the only thing I was expecting or thinking about was a horrible looking incision, and I didn't even have that (I am pretty sure that my surgeons are the best, because you can hardly see my incision).

The next phase after the mastectomy and tissue expander implantation was to fill them to the "desired" weight.  So for the last 3 weeks, I've met with the plastic surgeon for saline injections into the twins: 100 cc's a week!  Bring it on doc!  I thought it was going to be horrific- (I hate needles), but given that most of my chest is still completely numb (yes, they took a lot of the nerves out with the cancer) I don't even feel the needles going into me.

While not horrible, these fills have been rather odd feeling.  (If you really think about it, when your chest grows in your teenage years, it's a gradual thing.  You have time to get used to it.  You don't sit down in a chair and feel your boobs growing a cup size over a 5 minute period.)   I walk out of there feeling extremely tight.  It's almost like they've injected a hardner of some sort into my chest.  But, they don't- it's that the expander itself that is holding the saline is very hard.  The purpose of all of this is to stretch the skin across my chest to take the permanent implants. When they fill them, because the skin is tight, they push back against my chest wall.   After my 100 cc's last week, I felt like I was just a tad bigger than what I started with- and there was just a little more pressure on my chest bone than there had been with the previous fill.  But, seeing as how the goal was to get just a tad bigger than I was at the start of all of this, I had my heart set on just 1 more fill.

Yesterday was different.  I knew when I walked in there that Dr. Peters and I were nearing the end of our weekly rendezvous.   He had agreed to one more fill- but I knew we were gonna be done after that.  I could just tell.

 Up on the table I go, out come the huge needles, and here comes the pain.... The more they filled, the more pain I was in.  I was positive that they were crushing my chest.  And that was only after 50cc's.... I was gritting my teeth as Doc asks me, do you want me to keep going?  Yes!!  I can do it.  (It's no wonder he asked me if I was sure- the look on my face probably said something completely different.  I probably looked like I was capable of killing him with my bare hands at that given moment.)  He gave me the full 100, took 1 more look at me and asked if I wanted him to take some out.  I'm not gonna lie, I thought about it.  I felt like I was under a 500 pound boulder, I couldn't catch my breath.   (Think bathing suit woman, think bathing suit! You've been through hell... you deserve to walk away with Victoria's Secret sized boobs- because no one seems to be giving you a t-shirt or a ball cap.)  I look back at him and ask,  "It'll get better, right?".  When he assures me that yes, in a few days, it will get a little bit better, I tell him I'm holding right where I'm at!  (Now looking back on it- he said a "little"- somehow I missed that- probably because it wasn't what I wanted to hear!)

As I attempt to walk back to my car without breathing because it hurts like nothing I've ever felt before, I question my decision.  Holy crap! (And a hundred other obscene words that I won't bore you with!)  I can take a lot (remember, I am the girl who was so afraid of a needle that I had a crown fitting done without Novocaine. ) but this was a frightening level of pain- not discomfort- pain (I also said that after surgery I felt discomfort, not pain, just to give you a point of reference here!).  Somehow, I made it home, but the drive is rather fuzzy.  I pull in the garage and attempt to get out of the car, but even the slightest movement sends horrific pains through my chest!  By this point, I've already figured out that I should have had them take out just a tad- but it's too late now.

I have taken more Percocet in the last 24 hours than I took in the 3 days after surgery-and I'm pretty sure that I got no more than 15 minutes of sleep last night.  At one point, I noticed that 40% of Duke was draped over my body, and I was grateful because his weight seemed to be taking the pressure off my chest- then he moved and I was in pain again.  I am better today, I can move without wanting to scream, but oh boy!  What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?  Pain is just weakness leaving the body, right?

At any rate, this would be the price that I would pay to have breasts again (Have I not been tortured enough?).  Oh, the lengths I will go to!  Actually, as uncomfortable as I am, I am really grateful. I feel pretty good- energy levels are high, and my body feels healthy (other than the pressure in my chest!).  There is no cancer in my body!  I just had both of my breasts removed 4 weeks ago, and to look at me you would never be able to tell, yes, I am grateful.  And for the 1st time in my life, I have breasts that actually fill out my clothes (actually, some of them a little too well, but that's okay!).  And to think, I was starting to believe that I wasn't getting a parting gift as I left Cancer Central.   I am sure that as the weeks pass, I won't notice them as much, or at least I hope I won't.... Let's just hope I don't knock someone out with them- I'm not used to this!

Get Your Own Inner Superwoman!

We've all been there, those days, weeks, sometimes months where no matter how hard we try, there is no inner bad ass, much less an inner Superwoman to be found.  I was there prior to my cancer diagnosis.  I hadn't seen my Inner Superwoman in so long, I was sure that she had taken a permanent vacation. Thankfully, because she's such a "badass" (and personally I think she does really like me!) she reappeared for the journey through cancer. As much as I had missed her, the vacation did her good.  She is stronger and braver than I remember her being... and let's just say her "badass" is at it's peak!

So, let's rewind.  Obviously she didn't just show back up and get to work.  She let me struggle for a little while before I knew knew she was back- personally I think she was just easing into the job.  (Maybe she had a pretty little drink with an umbrella in it on her flight home!)  I really had to do some work to get her functioning again, lets face it, Superwoman ain't just gonna fly under any conditions.  Here's what I did to get her back in flying shape:

Step One: YOU HAVE TO HAVE A POSITIVE ATTITUDE:  Whether you're battling for that last pair of shoes AT 90% off that you definitely have to have, or battling cancer, you have to be positive.  You will have those shoes!  You will beat cancer! You can do it.  You can do anything that you set your mind to.  You can do anything you want to do, and you can do it better too!  You just have to want it, and you have to tell yourself that there is absolutely no reason why you can't do it.   Anybody that tells you otherwise, needs to go play in rush hour traffic, in the dark, wearing black clothes-sorry but I feel pretty strongly about this.

Step Two: YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT YOURSELF:  You are beautiful.  You are wonderful.  You are capable of great things, but if you don't believe it no one else will either.  If you think negatively about yourself, it will stop you from achieving your dreams.  We don't have to be perfect (who's to say what perfect is anyway?) we just have to be everything that we can be.  I used to  have a list that hung on my office wall- at one of the low points in my life, I made a list of my strengths and the things that are wonderful about me. That list reminded me daily of the fact that I am beautiful, smart, caring, witty.... etc, etc.  On a bad day, sometimes that sign was the only thing between me and a very large bottle of Vodka.

Step Three: BUILD YOUR CONFIDENCE: A lack of confidence will stop you dead in your tracks.  If you don't think you can do something, or you don't think you deserve something how do you expect to get it?  What is it about you that makes you feel weak?  Okay, find a way to fix it.  I used to train sales people.  One day, I had a young, fresh out of college trainee on my hands.  We were about to walk into a client's office.  The young en' looked at me and said, "They're not gonna buy anything off of me!".  I looked at him, grabbed my keys out of my purse and said, "You're right.  Let's go!".   I jumped back in the car and started driving around in circles, my trainee completely dumbfounded.  The way I saw it, why waste the clients time and mine if the trainee didn't have enough confidence in himself or the product to believe we were going to make something happen.  Life is the same way- if you don't believe you deserve it, you'll probably never get it.

Step Four:  CELEBRATE YOUR SUCCESSES!:  A huge part of getting through life is work, but it doesn't have to be all work, right?  When you accomplish something, or something good happens, celebrate it!  Celebrate you!  Don't wait for the big stuff either, just because CNN isn't pulling up with a camera truck doesn't make your accomplishment any less important.  Part of the reason that I stayed so strong mentally through my long and ugly chemo sessions was because I celebrated the milestones.  After 3 treatments, I wasn't finished, but I was 1/2 way.  Woo hoo!  After 5 treatments, still not done, but only 1 left to go!  You get the idea...  You lost 5 pounds... Woo hoo!  Good for you!  You made it 1/2 way to a goal... Woo hoo!  Good for you!  Don't be afraid to be proud of yourself, you worked for it, you earned it!

Step Five: SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE PEOPLE:  Negativity is so contagious, and frankly extremely debilitating.  But, when you're around people who are positive about the own lives and their own futures, it's hard to be anything positive about ourselves.  Think about it this way, if you were running a marathon with a partner, would you want your partner to be someone who was complaining, moaning and whining the entire time, or someone who talked about winning, and was extremely encouraging and positive?  I always talked to fellow cancer patients while I was receiving chemo.  I don't recall one single person that I ever talked with being negative.  That really says something- if a person with poison running through their veins, and battling cancer can be positive- what's anyone else's excuse for being negative?

Step Six: TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF: Look at your life and evaluate the things that need to be tweaked.  Are you taking care of yourself?  Are you doing things on a daily basis that improve your physical and mental well being?  Are you doing things that make you happy?  Are you taking care of your health?  (Please, please, please- DO NOT NEGLECT YOUR HEALTH!)  Go back 5 or 10 years, what were you doing then that you aren't doing now?  Were you happier?  If so, figure out how to reactivate the things in your life that made you happy.  Who we are is a huge blend of things:  if we neglect our mental well being and don't engage in things that are important to us, suddenly we aren't the same person.  It's easy to get caught up in everything, and very easy to let ourselves go.  

Once I had all of these things in check, my Inner Superwoman and I were back to flying again.  For each of us, these tasks will be different.  How you go about accomplishing these things may be completely different than what I did.  And that's okay- just so you do it.  Just remember, today is the first day of the rest of your life.  Get your ass out of the chair, and start channeling your Inner Superwoman...  She's out there, and she's waiting for you!

The Memo I Almost Missed....

I met a beautiful young girl on Friday when I went for my treatment, her name was Emily.  18 years old, her whole life ahead of her (she intends to go to medical school and be a doctor), and battling an auto-immune disease; she has been in treatment for 2 years.  We chatted for a long time, and I couldn't help but think that she has the wisdom of someone much older- I guess that having a serious illness will do that to you.  She told me the one thing that her disease has taught her is that she needs to live each day to the fullest, not sweat the small stuff, and pay attention to the things that really matter.  At 39, I typically don't have much in common with an 18 year old, but disease changes that- it's a very common thread among those of us who have battled for our lives.   I told her that she is very blessed to have learned this lesson as such a young age.  Some of us live our whole lives never understanding how important this is.  Others, get a wake up call, or a memo 1/2 way through...  (yours truly....)

I think that there were less official memo's that floated in an out of my life, prior to the one that stopped me dead in my tracks.  My excuse, they were written on post-it notes that got lost in the clutter on my desk.  Just kidding, actually, I think that my "unofficial" was the pain in my lymph nodes back in May.  The pain that I wrote off as a pulled muscle... now that I think about it, when have you ever heard of someone pulling a muscle in their armpit- and if you have, how the heck did they do that?  What in God's name was I smoking?  The point here being, I  missed it.  I wrote the pain in my armpit, along with every other symptom that something wasn't quite right, OFF!

The memo that actually got my attention: a 9CM tumor, with some lymph nodes (both left and right) thrown in for some good measure, that was definitely breast cancer.  The message in the memo that I more than likely would have missed,  if it were not for that tumor, the one I almost didn't get: tomorrow is not guaranteed.  Every day is precious, and every day needs to be lived to the fullest.  We need to get everything possible out of every day!  There are things that matter: things that are really important, and things that don't matter and aren't that important. We have to challenge ourselves, and live our lives to our fullest potential every day- not just on the days when we feel like it, or on the days when we've got nothing better to do.  If we don't, we're going to wake up one day, and realize that we've wasted our lives away.   I'm more focused now on the blessings around me than I've ever been.  Maybe it's the cancer, or maybe it's the fact that I have been forced to slow down and I actually have the time to take notice of all of the beauty around me.  Seems like it's a combination of both.  But, I also want to notice which makes a huge difference- it's important to me!

The irony of all of this is that I was so busy doing everything other than taking care of myself, that I almost missed the one thing that could have killed me.  I was working 6 days a week, taking care of a house and yard, 2 dogs,  myself and my husband.  I was holding myself to some pretty ridiculous standards, like never having more than 1 load of laundry sitting around, running the vacuum every other day, and worrying about the weeds in the garden almost to the point where I couldn't sleep at night.   I didn't have time to go to the doctor- and when I did have the time, the doctor couldn't see me.  So, I put it off longer than I should have.   The lump in my breast that was growing almost daily, should have been a priority, it should have been more important to me than anything else, but it wasn't!  I should not have ignored the intense exhaustion or the fact that no matter what, I just never felt rested, I should have listened to my body!

I'm not sure how I got so derailed.  I'm really  not.  I thought I was a person that had a balanced set of priorities and values, and I did at one point.  I guess that somewhere along the way, I stopped taking care of myself and lost all of my priorities.  How can I expect to take care of someone else, or anything else, if I'm not taking care of myself?   Look at how being sick has affected every other area of my life.  As I near the end of my cancer treatments, it is definitely time to re-plan, re-prioritize, and definitely regroup... And I need to learn that it's okay to breath.  There are plenty of successful people in the world that lead well balanced lives... and I fully intend to be one of them.  After all, who would expect anything less from SuperWoman?

Small, Smart Choices + Consistency + Time = ........

At the suggestion of my BeachBody Coach, I recently started reading "THE COMPOUND EFFECT" by Darren Hardy.  I'm not done with it yet, but I am completely fascinated by the principle of the "Compound Effect".  The first thing that I came across that really made sense to me was this:

Small, Smart Choices + Consistency + Time = RADICAL DIFFERENCE

I really gave this a lot of thought this morning as I sat in my chemo chair (nothing but time on my hands, might as well make something of it, right?).  I tried to reflect back on times in my  life when I have made small changes that didn't seem like they would amount to much.  Let me give you an example, several years ago, my husband and I tried the Nutri-System diet.  We both lost the weight that wanted to loose, however we returned right back to our normal eating habits once the pre-packaged (cardboard) food was gone.  But, there was one change that both of us took with us from that diet.  We don't drink pop anymore!  At the time, I didn't think much of it, but when you apply this principle, it makes a big change over time in our overall health and probably our waist lines.  Eliminating a couple of cans of pop a day doesn't seem like it would amount to much, but now that I look at this a different way, I realize that we've saved ourselves thousands upon thousands of calories (and money too) over the last 5 years not drinking pop.  Not to mention the fact that pop consumption was replaced with water consumption- that in itself is a radical and healthy change! We definitely benefited from that one.

I think that a lot of us have things about our lives that we would like to change. Sometimes it seems like the change is just so big that we either attempt to put the change out of our minds and leave everything "as-is" or we start attempting to change and fail because we took on too much at one time.  I've been there before on that one.

I found myself in a situation that I wanted to change at the end of May.  I was successful at heading in the direction of change for several reasons.  

1. I was determined to make the change.

2. I set small, realistic goals for myself. 

3. I had excellent support & motivation.

Rather than thinking about all of the things that I was going to have to change, I just changed a few small things.  I added some intensity to my daily exercise.   I didn't jump off the deep end and commit myself to a 2 year membership at the local gym.  I didn't run out and buy a ton of new exercise equipment.  (I did buy a video however!-- Small change)  I didn't make a ton of commitments that would have been hard for me to keep.  I made a 21 day commitment (It's a small change).  When you look at something on a smaller level- it makes it so much easier to start it and stick with it.  Granted, I met my goal on this challenge.  Did it change my life?  Yes.  Am I exactly where I want to be?  No.  But, it certainly got me on the right track.  If we don't ever start making changes, how can we ever expect to finish?  Change is a work in progress... And as I am finding, one good, small change, leads to another good, small change...

Think about something in your life that you've considered changing for a while.  Have you taken actions to make those changes and jumped ship because you weren't seeing results fast enough? (Understandable, we live in a world of instant gratification.) Or have you put it off because the task is so daunting?  It has been my personal experience in life, that sometimes, changing just one negative behavior, can lead to others following.  For example: When I started the 21 Day Challenge, I cleaned out all of the junk food in my pantry.  Once I did that, there wasn't anything left to snack on.  The result was not only that I stopped eating things that were bad for me and my waistline, but I had to go in search of things to eat that were healthy for me.  Once I started eating those things, I immediately saw my energy levels increase.  My hair and nails are growing like crazy, and I feel a lot better.  The better you feel, the easier it becomes to make more positive changes.  And I am continuing to make changes in the food in our home, and on our table.  

What small single positive change can you make in your life that could result in a RADICAL DIFFERENCE?

Nope, No Way, Ain't Happenin Here!

I realized yesterday as I was pouring my 4th cup of coffee that I am over 1/2 way done with my year of cancer treatment, yet still I am feeling very frustrated.  It's just taking too long!  I should be feeling as if I've accomplished something, right?  The cancer is gone- I no longer have cancer.  But, instead I'm stuck in place that's making me a little crazy.   I am so ready for all of this to be over and done with.  I'm not sure if it's the weird feeling in my chest (thank you little expanders) or the fact that I am on house arrest for another 3 weeks, but I'm experiencing some pretty high levels of attention deficit disorder and dare I say it "anxiety".  (Shh... don't tell the doctor- I'm sure there are pills for that, and I'm sure they would want me to take them!)

The ADD is why I haven't written a blog post in several days, I am completely unable to focus on anything for more than 5 minutes at a time. (And it takes me a heck of a lot longer than 5 minutes to do a blog post!)  The inability to focus on any one thing for any period of time is increasing my frustration because I am usually a very productive, goal oriented person and I can't seem to get anything done.

Nothing would make me happier than to wake up tomorrow morning and have everything be "normal"; with all of my hair back, normal boobs (the kind that don't move around or poke you when you move the wrong way), no tingling in my hands and feet, and well frankly, no more doctors appointments, tests, or infusions, and no restrictions when it comes to working out.  And, just for good measure, I would love it if I could reach the 3rd shelf of my kitchen cabinets without standing on my tippy toes and still wanting to scream!  Ooh, and wait, I'd love if I had my "normal" brain back. (I know, I want a lot right?)   But, I'm not quite there yet, and that is the source of my aggravation at this point.  Can't we speed up the process?  I am really going to have to work on having patience.

I've been told I'm being too hard on myself.  And I probably am.  I'm only 3 weeks post-op (Actually, it's exactly 3 weeks today!) and I've made great strides since surgery.  This is all going to sound funny, but I've had to really work on regaining my ability to do normal, every day activities.   For the 1st several days after surgery, I couldn't lift a cup to my mouth, straws became my best friend.  I couldn't put anything over my head,so all of my shirts had to be button-down.  (I'm not proud to admit this, but all I wanted was to sleep in one of my hubby's soft, comfy t-shirts.  So, I struggled to get it on, and nearly killed myself getting out of it the next morning.  Turns out that on was easier than off!  Thank God there were no video cameras around for that escapade.) I couldn't get dishes out of the cupboards, and I had a hard time putting on my tennis shoes.  All of this has changed- I am almost 100% back to normal in terms of mobility, I can do all of those things now.  My drains are gone, and my incisions are healing nicely.  And I get to go back for another "fill" this week.  (I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be spending my Thursday mornings having my boobs "filled".  Life is just funny like that!)

I'm struggling a bit with my left arm, I've got a ton of tightness down the back of my arm because my axillary nerve was cut to remove the lymph nodes from that arm.  The surgeon told my husband that she had a very hard time getting the nodes out of the left side, and her portion of the surgery actually took longer than expected because of it.  I was warned that my left arm might not ever be 100% and that the numbness might not ever go away. (You have got to be kidding me- are you sure you're looking at the right chart?) But, in the last several days, the tightness has eased, and some, but not all of the feeling has returned. (I still don't have full feeling in my elbow or my armpit, but I hit my elbow off of something this morning, and I definitely felt it.)  I will keep pushing that arm; stretching is the name of the game.  I am not willing to accept that my arm isn't 100%, and I know that I would never be okay with not having that arm be everything it was prior to this stupid cancer business.

So, at this point, there's no where for my frustration to go.  I can only keep myself so busy for so long when I can't really leave the house. I'm not allowed to work out, I can't lift, push, or pull anything over 10 pounds, and I've got a bad case of ADD.  I could cook and bake, but then I would have to eat it, right?   What's a girl to do? (I can tell you that there are 2 boxers that have gotten a ton of cuddles and treats in the last few days!)  If I can focus long enough, I am going to attempt to arm myself with a list of very short-term goals.  Things that I can do in 5 minutes or less, baby stepping it right though my to-do list.  Here's to baby-steps!