Embracing What The Good Lord Decided Was Right For Me

3 years ago, I was the picture of efficiency; spoiling 2 boxers, maintaining a 3000 square foot home and yard, and running a business 7 days a week. There were no mountains of dirty laundry, the house was clean, and I cooked dinner almost nightly. Bills were paid, everything was always in it's place, and never once did we run out of toilet paper.  Everything in my life just miraculously fell into place. I swear that there was a tiara lending this super power, perfectly perched on my head that said "Queen of Efficiency".

Fast forward to 2017; the tiara is gone. Umm. This is bad. You had better sit down. Yesterday morning, I turned the microwave on without anything in it. Last night, I grabbed the vacuum to clean something up and was seriously stumped when it didn't turn on.  Did you know it had to be plugged in? Yea, me neither. When did that happen?

A typical morning looks something like this: 5:00 wake up, let the dogs out, start coffee, realize I have to pee, then remember I need to make the bed, oops forgot about the coffee, go to look at my watch and realize I'm not wearing it, go find the watch, "you need to do laundry",  coffee... make the coffee.... Wait! You need to take out the trash! You've got mail! Oh no, Duke's getting mad, breakfast is late! Feed the dogs and come to the realization that I need coffee- the coffee I never finished making. And if I somehow end up on Pinterest, it's all over with!

I suppose I should be bothered by this. (And if I could remember for more than 2 seconds how inconvenient this all is, I probably would be!) But, seeing how I have made an art form out of finding silver linings, embracing my ditziness and my new 2 second attention span seems like the most fitting choice. 3 years post chemo, clearly it isn't going anywhere. Except that I am a problem solver by nature...

So, I recently started a wonderful new vitamin regimen; Lifelong Vitality.  I had great hope that these 12 pills were going to change my mental situation (maybe it just needs more time, it's a huge job!?). I have crazy amounts of energy, I sleep much better, nothing aches, allergies are gone, and I don't remember the last time I had a headache, and in general I feel like I'm 25... but then again, maybe I don't really remember what 25 really felt like. All of this, and I am still the ditzy blonde that everyone always assumed that I was, but never was until now.

In light of all of this, it is time for me to accept that I'm never going to find that tiara again. So, I am fully committed to embracing what the good Lord decided was right for me (for the next 2 seconds anyway). He definitely had a plan, and while it doesn't really seem like a much sought after situation, when I really think about it, it is ideal. I don't stress over the little things anymore (granted that is because I've forgotten about them), and I'm always happy and cheerful. I truly enjoy the things that I am doing rather than rushing through them just to get them done. My home, office, handbag and car are always adorned with little notes (complete with smiley faces because they make me happy) reminding me where I'm supposed to be or what I need to take care of. Sometimes, the phrase "blissfully ignorant" applies to me.

And I am okay with this... Excuse me for a moment, I think I started some laundry.

Just Choose Now...

This girl has mastered the art of being happy in the moment! 

For a society that is seriously addicted to instant gratification, we are so good at deferring the good stuff. Have you ever caught yourself saying, "I'll be so happy when...."? Or, "I'd feel so much better if..."?

Maybe instead choose to be happy "NOW". Choose to feel better "NOW".

I recently read several articles by one of my favorite relationship guru's that focused on the art of "choosing" your partner/spouse/relationships every single day. Really this applies to about everything in our lives.

By saying, "I'll be so happy when..." and deferring happiness to the time in our life when whatever it is we're daydreaming about changes or comes to fruition, we are not choosing the life that we're living in right at the moment. We often ignore all of the blessings, miracles and things right in front of us right at this moment that we should be happy about by choosing to live in the future. Chose to live NOW!!

Big changes came for me in my life when I stopped saying "I'd just feel so much better if I hadn't had chemotherapy, surgery, radiation and more surgery."  Darling, that ain't changing.... Focus your energy on thriving now, make it work for you. Just because you went through all of that, does not mean you can't feel great! (Yes, I talk to myself a lot, and just between you and I, yes, she does answer!)

By choosing to live now and finding joy, peace, happiness right at the moment, we're eliminating so much stress and freeing our minds to take the actions we need to better our futures. Honestly, if you look and open your mind to it, there is definitely something (and probably more than one something) around you to find joy in right now!!

The picture above was taken Saturday morning. It was almost 85 degrees and I had a whole wall of stone waiting for me to paint it, but... I was so happy to be changing the color of the stone and finally making my little house looked loved that I was smiling. Add to that the fact that I was doing it in my Superman t-shirt and it was a perfect day despite the heat which is pure torture for a women missing a bunch of lymph nodes!

"CAN'T" is really "WON'T"

I haven't blogged in forever. Mainly because I've been busy.
Busy overcoming the mess left by cancer.
Busy rebuilding my life.
Busy moving on.
I'm only busy because I haven't allowed "can't" to be a part of my vocabulary. But, I'm not going to lie to you, it took some work and a little bit of soul searching. I've had to smack myself around a bit to get here!

There are so many times that my response could have been, "I can't." For example, last year at about this time, I decided that I wanted to fulfill a lifelong dream and buy a fixer. Many of you know exactly how this turned out. I did it. If I had wanted to, I definitely could have told myself "I can't" for a multitude of reasons. Gutting this house was an extremely physical undertaking, and I won't lie, it hurt me, it was hard. It was challenging. There were nights I cried myself to sleep. Physically, it took a lot out of me. Was it worth it? Hell yea!! Am I glad that I didn't say "I can't!"? Hell yea!!

Specifically, the last year of my life has been one of learning (as if the 2 preceding weren't? Right? Honestly, I should have an honorary PHD). I made huge changes in my life. Looking back at all of the fears I had about making those changes, I almost said "I can't do this." Well why the hell not? It wasn't that I COULDN'T do it, it was that I just wasn't sure I wanted to do it. I almost told myself, "I won't do this! I won't start over. I won't rebuild. I won't reinvent myself." Wow!! What a colossal mistake that would have been.

I know what you're thinking. Is "can't" really all that different from "won't"? Can't is pretty much that you are unable to do something and no force, no matter how extreme is going to change that. For example: I can't lift my car over my head or I can't say that I have never been through cancer. Won't is a little different. Won't has everything to do with your own willpower and can be positive or negative. In this instance, we are talking about the negative "won't". I won't get up off the couch and go for a run. I won't eat the broccoli instead of the French fries.

Part of my "reinvention" phase (that I like to think of kinda like a snake shedding a skin no matter how much that grosses me out and makes me wrinkle my nose) was starting a new business. It would have been so much easier for me to say " I can't" and come up with a whole list of excuses including (but not limited to) my brain can't handle it, I don't have enough energy, I don't know enough, I don't know what to do.

At some point I had to smack myself around a few times and really take a look at my hesitations and my excuses. I had to break free of everything that was holding me back, and realize:

"IT'S NOT THAT YOU CAN'T.... IT'S THAT YOU WON'T"

There are people all over the world that accomplish greater things than I'll ever undertake with more extreme limitations than what I'll ever experience. (Of course, they are my heroes and my inspiration!) I am learning to remind myself that I am my own worst critic and I am harder on myself than anyone else could possibly be. Furthermore, I have earned the right, and I have fought like hell for the opportunity to be and do whatever makes me happy! I have no intention of letting "can't" get in my way and intend for "won't" to only be a part of my life in a positive way (I won't eat that whole pint of So Delicious in one night....)